What I do when things feel HARD

We just went through a run of wild experiences...

From Ben being attacked by bees to a tree falling on the house to a shoulder injury (Ben) that then lead to him being one-armed and in a ton of pain and unable to help with the baby - the month of September was nuts.

There came a moment when we sat down and said, "Can we take a beat and talk about what's wanting to come through here?"  

At the root of it, with Anni back in school and the inevitable pick-up in pace that comes with September, our simple answer revealed itself without much searching...

The words S L O W  D O W N smacked us right in the forehead.

October is a big month over here with multiple speaking events for me and multiple endurance events for Ben.

This means logistics, travel, asking for help and preparing ourselves to perform in our own respective ways.

It also means that the recovering control freaks that we tend to be have had to meet the pace of our lives in a new place. 

As you know, this is not always easy.

Autumn has always been synonymous with acceleration for me.

And while I can right-size what's on the list and navigate the demands of my days, an even more potent point of focus is in my own system...

My energetic reality, my central nervous system, my physical body and being are a place where I can down shift, recalibrate and consciously choose how I want to move.

This work requires deceleration before we can hit the gas. 

It requires strong supports, deep listening and nourishment.

For me, it demands copious rewrites - about the ways I view who I am, how I operate in relationship to what matters to me and how I approach every aspect of my life. 

Are you feeling this, too?  

It's dense and exquisite work that sets the foundation for a new way of existing.

It's seeing with new eyes, contemplating the roots of my responses and choosing differently where necessary.

It's the most liberating work we can do!!

And I know I'm not alone when I say I am fully immersed in this personal process.

I'm also deeply aware that, in and of itself, this work can feel really difficult.

In keeping with the eternal truths - I want to tell you that I don't have any answers about HOW each of us is meant to do this...but I do have some thoughts about what has helped me along the path and I thought they could be helpful to you, too.

What I do when everything feels HARD - 4 things to try:

1. Put down what's before me and get super present to the moment...

I can remember sitting in the hospital in the midst of my IVF journey, it was the worst day of the entire experience when we got the news I didn't want to hear.

I was alone in the exam room after asking the doctor to give me a few minutes to process what she just shared with me.

I was weeping into a ball of tissues with mascara streaming down my face. I was alone in a body that only I could make the next decision for...and truly felt like all hope was lost.

I looked out the dirty window to my right to see a blue sky and the sun beaming down on to someone's flower garden nestled on a busy, city street. 

Those flowers had the audacity to bloom on this brutal and beautiful April afternoon.

Something in that scene brought me back to myself, back to the good, back to the miracles that I could witness even if I felt like the miracle I was praying for was lifetimes away.

Presence was the pathway.

2. Ask for help...allow myself to be witnessed.

Just last week, I was struggling with something that felt ancient and deeply painful. 

I reached out to a friend and revealed what was bubbling up inside of me.

I spoke all of the words I needed to say, I didn't hold back. It felt gross and I didn't like the way I sounded. I wanted to recall the message, but I left it there...so my friend could be a witness to what was coming through for me.

It was the most honest thing I could do and that space my dear friend held for me was holy. 

Gosh, does it feel risky...but what I've learned after building relationships with friends and mentors and holding this very same space for loved ones is being witnessed in our deep truths is a miracle in and of itself. 

3. Honor the medicine of my deep needs.

I'll be honest, this can be the hardest one for me.

When I'm moving at the speed of light trying to "fix" things, a salt bath or a walk in the woods or a pause to admit the thing I'm afraid to face can feel like torture. 

When things are hard, I want to make them better. When things are stuck, I want to move them forward.

Escape the freeze with the flight..

What's better?

Consciously accepting what our bodies and beings are asking for and syncing up with the specificity of those needs.

I have a feeling there's something your body/soul is asking for in this season...

I am willing to bet there's a longing whispering to you from the depths of your own knowing. 

What happens when you sit with the wisdom of your own deep needs?

4. Define my energetic home base - complete with the sensory details to support it.

As I write these words to you, the baby is napping, Anni is doing crafts (on her own!), Ben is flying home from the Chicago marathon and I've got a cup of cold tea next to me while my phone is streaming my favorite playlist. 

It's quiet. 

I'm still in my pajamas and I'm taking my time writing to you.

This moment will be over in an instant, and I'm reminding myself that all of the things that are pecking at me for my attention are insignificant here as I work at completing my thoughts and communicating as clearly as possible with you.

I am safe at home at my energetic home base - a term I work with my clients on.

It feels warm and soft and slow. 

It calm here...and it helps me meet whatever comes next with a rooted presence. 

It asks little of me beyond what's unfolding in the next moment.

I've spent a great deal of time curating and refining this "space." 

There's accessible joy here...there is clarity here...there is a familiarity here that can serve as the launching pad for anything and everything meaningful in my world.

It's an energetic destination...

And as I prepare for my speaking event later this week, I will access *this feeling* in the moments when I feel myself ramp up.

I will remind myself that there is no need to be anyone other than who I am in this moment.

I will return to my energetic home base in my mind and the memory that is stored in my physical body from the somatic programming I've done.

I will use this exercise to bring my whole self to the room of 200 souls I get to connect with in real time, when it's time.

This "home base" is my safe haven..and it's something my clients and I work on in-depth as it helps them to root into growth and move with comes next.

There is no doubt that life is complex...as a mother to young children and daughter to parents I want to be available for...a wife...a homemaker...a business owner and visionary who supports fellow visionaries and a team of amazing women - there's a lot on my plate in any given moment.

These are some of the practices that make it easier.

I hope they're helpful to you too.

Have a great week,